Hiatus

A hiatus from television is interesting. I mean all "oh my gosh this is a show?" aside, commercials become EXTREMELY fascinating again.

I know when I set out to write this about 5 hours ago, I had 2 specific commercials in mind. However, as time passed, I can only remember the one and in turn gained another one. So here we go and maybe through rambling processes I will remember the missing link!

One: Kleenex Hand Towels.

I don't know how I am supposed to feel. I mean on one end I am getting mind raped about recycling and going green. I get the going green lecture, I feel, so many times a day I'm turning green. (That was a... really lame attempt at saying it's making me sick) and here is a product that discourages the use of normal everyday hand towels and is encouraging throw away towels. Like... I thought everybody threw huge hissy fits about hand towels in public restrooms because it's a paper waste and instead wanted us to move to air dryers. Now here we are creating the disposable hand towel for our HOMES?! Soooo instead of simply changing and washing our cloth towels, they want us to use basically...paper towels. In our bathrooms. AND THAT'S another thing! They're paper towels. They are freaking paper towels. Just put some paper towels in the bathroom you crazy, why are you paying 3 extra dollars for what is baaaasically a paper towel?!?! Alright but I digress. So you may be wondering, as I was how are they marketing this environmental unfriendly product? They hit you with the GERM fear. "oh gosh look at how many germs this cloth towel collects, who KNOWS what people are using that towel for and you are using it to dry your CLEAN hands? Your husband whacked off into them literally ten minutes ago. That's not embroidery that you're feeling, hun. So buy our disposable towels... so you can stay germ free." Like... how can you win? Who can win here? Too crazy.... Now... how does this get crazier? So they got you all hopped up on the germ thing. Ok so in the commercial, if you care to pay attention, and I do because I sat on my pancake ass and watched Lifetime all day because old episodes of Grey's Anatomy were playing. Anyways, the chick... wipes her hands and then wipes the counter.... ? I mean I don't exactly see there being extreme germ transfers because I guess your hands are clean so you aren't bringing any harm to the counter, but at the same time, we still hit air dryers with the back of our hands...? So you advertise this product to be a multi-one-time-use towel and yet you show the woman using it for multiple things. I don't get it. AND on top of it, two kids use one of them to dry their wet SAINT BERNARD. Not like a little friggin chihuahua. A huge mofo Saint Bernard. Now I am no expert by any means, but damnit I'm close and Kleenex, you ain't no Brawny. Your tissues can't even compare to Puffs' kick ASS lotion formula. So get real, just a little bit, please.

The other commerical I still can't remember and I might reblog it if I ever come across it again. Which I'm sure I will.
The other OTHER commercial was the Trojan Fire and Ice. but after my dissection of Kleenex hand towels, it just doesn't seem to be worth it. Basically the commercials are awful. They're cheesy and they don't really make you feel any more comfortable about condoms or buying condoms or buying specialty condoms on top of that. But there was one where they call the condom "blows your hair back" or... something and the couple turn and sure enough their hair is sticking straight out. Not going to lie, it was hilarious. However, you, Trojan, still don't make the condom any less uncomfortable to purchase. But I appreciate your effort. Maybe you could hook up with the Axe commercial guys, because that's just pure genius sometimes.

YES I KNEW it! I KNEW if I rambled long enough I'd remember the other one. Dannon Activa yogurt. HAHA ok. So Jamie Lee is prancing around some park with an Activa Yogurt cart... if you will. And approaches this couple. Attractive-ish woman, and a bigger semi ok looking guy. And she's like "HEY! Eat this delicious yogurt" and they're like alright we've been walking around we could use some yogurt. So they take the yogurt and the woman says "Wait a minute... isn't this the yogurt that..." And JLC cuts her off and is all "HELPS with your digestive system?! YES." The husband then promptly shoves the yogurt back and says "Ohhhhh noooo thank you" And JLC is all "nonono this is different this stuff tastes good!"
--- insert my opinion--- Jamie Lee... that homeboy did NOT push back the yogurt because he feared it tasted awful. I am 99% sure the push back was because SOMEBODY doesn't need that extra oomf in their digestive system. SOMEBODY doesn't want to be in the little boy's room all day, mmkay? And you can totally tell! He's eating it, not even swallowing the yogurt, it is still in his mouth and he's like "oh you're right this does taste good" READ: "oh I am not going to swallow this, that was not my issue with it"

And yes I realize it's a commercial and it's not real, but it still bothers me.
Then again, there is little that does NOT bother me.

New and Improvingly yours,
Em

Well the bathroom and closet are done.

My sincerest apologies. But I am without internet, and therefore, blogging becomes extremely difficult.

But note: One procrastinator + 9 unpacked boxes, do not = a settled in apartment.

Ridiculous.


Pack Tapingly Yours,

Em

I am so incredible.

As much as we try, as much as we strive to go on our day to day and not think about it, the thought will at some point consume us. It will overtake our thoughts until we obsess and obsess to find the perfect answer. I'm talking of course about...

What superpower would you have?

I mean if you could.

A lot of people are soooo generic picking things like superspeed, flying, and reading people's minds. But to me all of that is just so boring (although, not that if I possessed any of those I would be complaining exactly, but I mean be real it's not exactly a 10 on the creativity scale). I guess none of the ones I think of necessarily are. But what would I do with superspeed? I like to take my time for certain tasks. And what if you couldn't control it in anyway? What if you always went fast? And then what about time? What does time become to you? Do other things slow down in order to make up for your speed? It just seems like a superpower that would REALLY only benefit other people I just don't see the use.

Same goes with flying. What the f*%k is the point? I don't like birds first off, so I think I would have supreme issues having a shared space with them, and what about planes? What if you ran into one? People might bargain like oh you could go anywhere blah blah, yeah well how would I take my crap with me? Strap it on my back? That seems like a colossal pain. I don't know, maybe I'm just knocking it before I try, but I don't imagine flying being my cup of tea. I would take a guess that I wouldn't be able to wear dresses or a skirt. How am I supposed to listen to my music? That is THE best part about having a car. Would it require I have wings or a cape or would I just be able to do it? Then there's Batman, which don't get me wrong, I like batman (well I'm not a hero girl so much as a villain girl, but he's got the best villains so I'll hand it to him to be a pretty cool cat. I mean bat) but I digress, but homeboy picked an animal that doesn't even FLY. (Yes. That's right. Bats don't fly. And yes I am using this blog and yes I randomly brought up Batman so I could divulge this factual information. Contrary to popular belief. Bats. Don't. Fly. They glide. They climb and then they glide.) Whatever point is: flying, no good.

Now the real kicker. Reading People's Minds. I want to punch in the face everyone who chooses this. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY would you make your life a living HELL?!?!?!! Being able to read people's minds? Are you f*%king nuts? Do you like to go mentally insane (note: no offense to those of you who would like to). Then when I spew this out at them they always say the same damn thing that just makes me want to continue punching: "Well I would want the kind where I could turn it on/off when I wanted to." Ok...ok... scratch mentally insane, are you mentally retarded? I am honestly meaning this in the best way possible. Do you really think Mindreader Chooser that you would be able to 'just turn it on/off'? Get. Real. (Well, as real as you can be, I'm discussing superpowers.) The temptation would be too great, mindreading would be like Pringles or cashing in the V-Card... once you pop, you don't stop. It would be inevitable that once having the ability to read minds, you would forever be insatiable. You would be so consumed with the thought of other people's thoughts, it would never end. So what's the big deal, you may wonder? Uh easy, if there is anything you need to learn from me it's this: who gives a f*%k what people think? AND again, WHAT is the point? WHAT?! so you can.... know what people are thinking annnnnnd bend to their every will?? "Oh Barry doesn't like that I'm talking about my cat Cottonswab, I should talk about something else" No crazy, keep talking about your cat if that's what you want to talk about, if he doesn't like it, he needs to man up and say it, not assume you are a lameass that chose mindreader and go ahead and just change the subject yourself. So that was a semi-awful example but you get the point. Mindreading is stupid.

So what power would I choose?
Uh Hi, Storm is only the like coolest comic book chica around. (yeah we are going to go ahead an assume Catwoman was not in the running because EVERYONE knows she actually is). I would, without a doubt, choose to change the weather. Why? Because this benefits me. If I want it to be rainy, it will be rainy. If I want a snow day, a snow day we shall have, if I want it to magically be all melted the next day, then damnit it will be. If I have plans to enjoy a baseball game, it's going to be the perfect mix of sun and shade. "But people will bug you to change the weather to their liking" Oh, I know, but I am the one with the power, not them. They can suck it. And also give me like $50 and I'll look into it. And you can bet, if I controlled the weather, there would be a starry night, every night.

Also, I'd like to have the Mary Poppins ability where she snaps her fingers and shit gets put away. I mean mainly because I am having packing procrastination problems right now. (Did you see that, Didja see what I did there? A little alliteration for you fine folks.) I would want the power because I have awful issues with maintaining a clean room. It is so difficult for me. The biggest problem with it is this: I don't mind the occasz gentlemen caller. But I have a bit of an OCD issh that if my room isn't reasonably tidy, they can't come over. I guess I could just get over that OCD of mine, or just learn to keep my room tidy. But if it's all the same to you, I'll take snappy fingas.


You're probably wondering where this is coming from. I don't really know. Maybe it's because the movie Kick Ass is coming out or has come out (I'm not sure--BUT I was going to protest because I thought it was PG and I was slightly outraged that a PG film had the word 'ass' in it, but then I was informed it was R) or it could be because the DN (that I RARELY, RARELY read) had an article about superheroes. Or because I'm wearing my batman shirt with my black hoodie that I masked as a cape and took awkward fbook pics. Or because this is usually my favorite question to ask potential suitors (I would never want to date a mindreader).

Whatever the reason, know this: although superpowers are magical fantasies that we can only hope would become reality, each and every one of us do possess something that make us special. Whether it's the gift of art, dance, having no fashion sense, or juggling.

Mine of course, is that I am the most incredible person you know. Don't thank me for gracing you with my presence, no really... it's my gift to you. I am happy to do it.

Up, up and Away,
Em

Birthday Gift Idea Alert!!! Quill Pen

Today I did the unthinkable and actually accomplished SOME of my To-Do list goals. Not just ONE... but SOME. I know, fasten your seatbelts, this ride is gettin CARAZAY!!!

And of course, wouldn't you know it? I discover something about myself along the way and assume EVERYONE finds me as interesting as I do.

I, Em Leahy, am a pen-aholic. Hi Em.

Ladies and Gents it is NOT just pens. It's mechanical pencils, markers, crayons, sharpies, gelly rolls, and of course pens. black pens, blue pens, clicky pens, cushy pens, fancy pens, ordinary pens. Dr. Suess don't even KNOW.

This obsession of pens that I have is actually borderline ridiculous (which is a roundabout way of saying 'a problem') Every school year. EVERY. ONE. I HAVE...HAVE to buy a new package of pens, pencils, markers and crayons. The fancy stuff I buy when I feel like treating myself. When I go to restaurants, retail merchandisers, my friends houses, work, I can't help but take a pen with me if presented the opportunity. And here is what I have found:

1...Clicky pens from businesses usually kick ass. It's like they know, if your pen sucks and does not work when your potential consumer goes to use it, you know what they are going to do? Flip the pen over and say "Well looks like I won't be fulfilling my sandwich needs at Mr. Goodcents, because they can't properly provide me with a working pen." That is EXACTLY what happens.

2...BIC pens are the ONLY way to go for your everyday/scholastic use. Parents, if you are buying your child Papermates for their first day of school, consider yourself abusive. Your child is now going to look like the IDIOT that can't operate a simple tool like a PEN.

2.5... same rule applies to coloring utensils. Crayola or else. (meaning, or else your child is getting regularly bullied on the playground) RoseArt? Kill yourself.

3... Gelly rolls effin kick ass. ALWAYS.

3.5... Sharpies? also kick ass. ALWAYS. Always a guaranteed cool kid. It doesn't even really matter what size. Actually... I'll take that back, if you are rockin the huge friggin sharpies, you're a little off, cause everyone knows those are only for industrial use like major poster board action or labeling your moving boxes, don't be whippin those out just for shits and gigs.

As for mechanical pencils, well it's hard to go wrong, or maybe it isn't hard at all, but I haven't ever really run into a batch that was completely unusable. I like to jazz it up with several colors, you know depending on my mood for scantron tests.

Nothing beats a good, sturdy, dry erase marker. Dry Erase boards are up there in my list of favorite inventions.

My absolute favorite pen EVER? Herbie: My boxing frog pen that also lights up. I got it with Lauren Larsen when we were shopping for some StuBo thangs. Oh yeah, I still have him. He doesn't work so well anymore, but I will never let Herb go.

Maybe you don't believe me, maybe you think I just dabble in the pen. And although I have a lot of pen learning to do, keep in mind... I just spent 1.5 hours going through my desk drawer that is strictly dedicated to my various writing utensils to ensure they were in proper working order and to unfortunately discard the ones that have finished their life (and HAPPILY discard the ones that have failed at their destiny) and now I just spent about 10 minutes blogging about it.

I guess if you take anything away from this, remember: your pens (especially super cool ones) are not trusted around me and 2... gelly rolls are ALWAYS kickin.

Signing off (in a virtual gelly roll),
Em

And With the Rain

So I got to thinking, yes at 2:20 in the morning, stop judging... that if John Tesh is all about making an impact on your job interviews and stand out and be creative and avoid this and don't eat that before yadda yadda yadda, well I got to thinking if my Flobots Cd would be my one regret, do you know what I would say is my biggest flaw?


The way I eat cereal.

I am not trying to be even the slightest bit humorous right now. I am... an ... AWFUL cereal eater. It's disgusting. DIS-GUS-TING. This is myself that I'm talkin about here people, and I love me, but even I wouldnt want to be around me while I am eating cereal. It is for this reason alone as to why I try as best as possible to not eat cereal in front of other people. Cause I GO TO TOWN and I am NOT ashamed. And I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not, however if I do find myself in the unfortunate circumstance to eat cereal in front of other people, I physically have to make EFFORT not to behave normally. It's pretty diff. ...icult.

Anyways. So if there is anyone out there reading this, or whatever, comment or if you would prefer think about your flaw. Own it. and know how to control it.


Everything is going to the beat
Em

Regret

I don't regret much in this crazy nonsensical life of mine, but if I had to name one, say on a job interview or something, it would be this. The Flobots CD "Fight With Tools", Oh My Sweet Tea, it is the absolute worst.
You know what's even suckier than someone shoving their political agenda down your throat? Doing it to the beat of less than stellar music. GAH. And you must be asking yourself, Really? THAT is your one regret? Yeah. Yeah it is. Usually I have a rule when it comes to buying FULL Cds and that rule is this "I must like THREE songs on the Cd" Well I didn't follow my usually correct standard and I just thought "Well Handlebars was a good song, I think I'll like all of it" WRONG. Wrong wrong wrong. Wrong. So you are probably thinking, Em didn't that Cd come out f*ckin years ago? Yeah but I just imported the ONE good song from it onto my iTunes and it just, it just opened up the wound, you know?

Well with that out of the way I feel I am at peace again.

Next item on the agenda? The Real World.

I. WILL. MAKE. THIS. HAPPEN. I mean, am I right or am I right... I was BORN to be on The Real World. Literally put on this Earth to amuse everyone with my appearance on this oh so entertaining reality show. Everyone would watch it. It will be THE best season. I will be EVERYONE'S favorite. This is my lifelong dream. Unfortunately my lifelong dream has a shelf life of 24. So... I guess I better get crackin? To do this I need to achieve hot-tub-ready physique. Kay that's really it. And apply, of course.

I wonder if there are any work happenings that I want to commemorate.

"I like my cars clean and my women dirty" - Brian aka Biggie
That was classic.

Until the next time party people
Em


Postscript: Shout out to my first follower, Callie. HOOLLLLLEEERRRRRR

So here's the thing...

I was really good about myspace blogging. In fact as I reread old posts, goodness they were hilarious. But now since no one will be caught dead using myspace (correction: I don't want people knowing I still HAVE my myspace) I figure the appropriate thing to do is to just go ahead and get a grown up blog.

Oh and also because due to certain, ahem, Earth products, I have difficulty remembering significant slash hilarious and altogether noteworthy events of my life. And I feel I will need them in the future. If for my grandkids, at least.


Note: examples for 'labels for this post' was scooters... like the coffee shop? or the mode of transportation. I hope no one is blogging while on their scooter, and I hope no one actually drinks scooters.... no offense. But maybe a little.

Snickerdoodles,
Em