I am so incredible.

As much as we try, as much as we strive to go on our day to day and not think about it, the thought will at some point consume us. It will overtake our thoughts until we obsess and obsess to find the perfect answer. I'm talking of course about...

What superpower would you have?

I mean if you could.

A lot of people are soooo generic picking things like superspeed, flying, and reading people's minds. But to me all of that is just so boring (although, not that if I possessed any of those I would be complaining exactly, but I mean be real it's not exactly a 10 on the creativity scale). I guess none of the ones I think of necessarily are. But what would I do with superspeed? I like to take my time for certain tasks. And what if you couldn't control it in anyway? What if you always went fast? And then what about time? What does time become to you? Do other things slow down in order to make up for your speed? It just seems like a superpower that would REALLY only benefit other people I just don't see the use.

Same goes with flying. What the f*%k is the point? I don't like birds first off, so I think I would have supreme issues having a shared space with them, and what about planes? What if you ran into one? People might bargain like oh you could go anywhere blah blah, yeah well how would I take my crap with me? Strap it on my back? That seems like a colossal pain. I don't know, maybe I'm just knocking it before I try, but I don't imagine flying being my cup of tea. I would take a guess that I wouldn't be able to wear dresses or a skirt. How am I supposed to listen to my music? That is THE best part about having a car. Would it require I have wings or a cape or would I just be able to do it? Then there's Batman, which don't get me wrong, I like batman (well I'm not a hero girl so much as a villain girl, but he's got the best villains so I'll hand it to him to be a pretty cool cat. I mean bat) but I digress, but homeboy picked an animal that doesn't even FLY. (Yes. That's right. Bats don't fly. And yes I am using this blog and yes I randomly brought up Batman so I could divulge this factual information. Contrary to popular belief. Bats. Don't. Fly. They glide. They climb and then they glide.) Whatever point is: flying, no good.

Now the real kicker. Reading People's Minds. I want to punch in the face everyone who chooses this. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY would you make your life a living HELL?!?!?!! Being able to read people's minds? Are you f*%king nuts? Do you like to go mentally insane (note: no offense to those of you who would like to). Then when I spew this out at them they always say the same damn thing that just makes me want to continue punching: "Well I would want the kind where I could turn it on/off when I wanted to." Ok...ok... scratch mentally insane, are you mentally retarded? I am honestly meaning this in the best way possible. Do you really think Mindreader Chooser that you would be able to 'just turn it on/off'? Get. Real. (Well, as real as you can be, I'm discussing superpowers.) The temptation would be too great, mindreading would be like Pringles or cashing in the V-Card... once you pop, you don't stop. It would be inevitable that once having the ability to read minds, you would forever be insatiable. You would be so consumed with the thought of other people's thoughts, it would never end. So what's the big deal, you may wonder? Uh easy, if there is anything you need to learn from me it's this: who gives a f*%k what people think? AND again, WHAT is the point? WHAT?! so you can.... know what people are thinking annnnnnd bend to their every will?? "Oh Barry doesn't like that I'm talking about my cat Cottonswab, I should talk about something else" No crazy, keep talking about your cat if that's what you want to talk about, if he doesn't like it, he needs to man up and say it, not assume you are a lameass that chose mindreader and go ahead and just change the subject yourself. So that was a semi-awful example but you get the point. Mindreading is stupid.

So what power would I choose?
Uh Hi, Storm is only the like coolest comic book chica around. (yeah we are going to go ahead an assume Catwoman was not in the running because EVERYONE knows she actually is). I would, without a doubt, choose to change the weather. Why? Because this benefits me. If I want it to be rainy, it will be rainy. If I want a snow day, a snow day we shall have, if I want it to magically be all melted the next day, then damnit it will be. If I have plans to enjoy a baseball game, it's going to be the perfect mix of sun and shade. "But people will bug you to change the weather to their liking" Oh, I know, but I am the one with the power, not them. They can suck it. And also give me like $50 and I'll look into it. And you can bet, if I controlled the weather, there would be a starry night, every night.

Also, I'd like to have the Mary Poppins ability where she snaps her fingers and shit gets put away. I mean mainly because I am having packing procrastination problems right now. (Did you see that, Didja see what I did there? A little alliteration for you fine folks.) I would want the power because I have awful issues with maintaining a clean room. It is so difficult for me. The biggest problem with it is this: I don't mind the occasz gentlemen caller. But I have a bit of an OCD issh that if my room isn't reasonably tidy, they can't come over. I guess I could just get over that OCD of mine, or just learn to keep my room tidy. But if it's all the same to you, I'll take snappy fingas.


You're probably wondering where this is coming from. I don't really know. Maybe it's because the movie Kick Ass is coming out or has come out (I'm not sure--BUT I was going to protest because I thought it was PG and I was slightly outraged that a PG film had the word 'ass' in it, but then I was informed it was R) or it could be because the DN (that I RARELY, RARELY read) had an article about superheroes. Or because I'm wearing my batman shirt with my black hoodie that I masked as a cape and took awkward fbook pics. Or because this is usually my favorite question to ask potential suitors (I would never want to date a mindreader).

Whatever the reason, know this: although superpowers are magical fantasies that we can only hope would become reality, each and every one of us do possess something that make us special. Whether it's the gift of art, dance, having no fashion sense, or juggling.

Mine of course, is that I am the most incredible person you know. Don't thank me for gracing you with my presence, no really... it's my gift to you. I am happy to do it.

Up, up and Away,
Em