Hiatus

A hiatus from television is interesting. I mean all "oh my gosh this is a show?" aside, commercials become EXTREMELY fascinating again.

I know when I set out to write this about 5 hours ago, I had 2 specific commercials in mind. However, as time passed, I can only remember the one and in turn gained another one. So here we go and maybe through rambling processes I will remember the missing link!

One: Kleenex Hand Towels.

I don't know how I am supposed to feel. I mean on one end I am getting mind raped about recycling and going green. I get the going green lecture, I feel, so many times a day I'm turning green. (That was a... really lame attempt at saying it's making me sick) and here is a product that discourages the use of normal everyday hand towels and is encouraging throw away towels. Like... I thought everybody threw huge hissy fits about hand towels in public restrooms because it's a paper waste and instead wanted us to move to air dryers. Now here we are creating the disposable hand towel for our HOMES?! Soooo instead of simply changing and washing our cloth towels, they want us to use basically...paper towels. In our bathrooms. AND THAT'S another thing! They're paper towels. They are freaking paper towels. Just put some paper towels in the bathroom you crazy, why are you paying 3 extra dollars for what is baaaasically a paper towel?!?! Alright but I digress. So you may be wondering, as I was how are they marketing this environmental unfriendly product? They hit you with the GERM fear. "oh gosh look at how many germs this cloth towel collects, who KNOWS what people are using that towel for and you are using it to dry your CLEAN hands? Your husband whacked off into them literally ten minutes ago. That's not embroidery that you're feeling, hun. So buy our disposable towels... so you can stay germ free." Like... how can you win? Who can win here? Too crazy.... Now... how does this get crazier? So they got you all hopped up on the germ thing. Ok so in the commercial, if you care to pay attention, and I do because I sat on my pancake ass and watched Lifetime all day because old episodes of Grey's Anatomy were playing. Anyways, the chick... wipes her hands and then wipes the counter.... ? I mean I don't exactly see there being extreme germ transfers because I guess your hands are clean so you aren't bringing any harm to the counter, but at the same time, we still hit air dryers with the back of our hands...? So you advertise this product to be a multi-one-time-use towel and yet you show the woman using it for multiple things. I don't get it. AND on top of it, two kids use one of them to dry their wet SAINT BERNARD. Not like a little friggin chihuahua. A huge mofo Saint Bernard. Now I am no expert by any means, but damnit I'm close and Kleenex, you ain't no Brawny. Your tissues can't even compare to Puffs' kick ASS lotion formula. So get real, just a little bit, please.

The other commerical I still can't remember and I might reblog it if I ever come across it again. Which I'm sure I will.
The other OTHER commercial was the Trojan Fire and Ice. but after my dissection of Kleenex hand towels, it just doesn't seem to be worth it. Basically the commercials are awful. They're cheesy and they don't really make you feel any more comfortable about condoms or buying condoms or buying specialty condoms on top of that. But there was one where they call the condom "blows your hair back" or... something and the couple turn and sure enough their hair is sticking straight out. Not going to lie, it was hilarious. However, you, Trojan, still don't make the condom any less uncomfortable to purchase. But I appreciate your effort. Maybe you could hook up with the Axe commercial guys, because that's just pure genius sometimes.

YES I KNEW it! I KNEW if I rambled long enough I'd remember the other one. Dannon Activa yogurt. HAHA ok. So Jamie Lee is prancing around some park with an Activa Yogurt cart... if you will. And approaches this couple. Attractive-ish woman, and a bigger semi ok looking guy. And she's like "HEY! Eat this delicious yogurt" and they're like alright we've been walking around we could use some yogurt. So they take the yogurt and the woman says "Wait a minute... isn't this the yogurt that..." And JLC cuts her off and is all "HELPS with your digestive system?! YES." The husband then promptly shoves the yogurt back and says "Ohhhhh noooo thank you" And JLC is all "nonono this is different this stuff tastes good!"
--- insert my opinion--- Jamie Lee... that homeboy did NOT push back the yogurt because he feared it tasted awful. I am 99% sure the push back was because SOMEBODY doesn't need that extra oomf in their digestive system. SOMEBODY doesn't want to be in the little boy's room all day, mmkay? And you can totally tell! He's eating it, not even swallowing the yogurt, it is still in his mouth and he's like "oh you're right this does taste good" READ: "oh I am not going to swallow this, that was not my issue with it"

And yes I realize it's a commercial and it's not real, but it still bothers me.
Then again, there is little that does NOT bother me.

New and Improvingly yours,
Em